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Showing posts from 2016

Purpose in the Pain.

I sit here wondering how in the world to begin. I’ve put off writing this for nearly four weeks. I know right away wasn’t the right time. I know there is a time of grieving. I also know that this is something I’m never going to be completely over. Now, I’m wondering how much to share.
How much is too much? Are people tired of hearing about it, tire of reading about it? Who is going to judge me? Am I revealing too much about myself? Have I been too transparent?
I like to live my life as open as I can. I want to be real. I want to be honest. I want people to see the ugly as well as the beautiful. How can people really see the fullness of God and how he’s worked in my life if I don’t tell them everything?
The truth is my story is not just my own anymore. I have a husband that I love and care for deeply. My story has become our story. It’s not just my life that gets impacted by how much I share. His does as well. The conclusion I came to is that I will share what I can. I will hold back the …

New Journey. New Life. New Blog Post.

As I listen to the sounds of my wonderful husband making dinner, I feel the Lord whispering to me to write this. I tried to fight Him a little bit.
It’s been five months since I’ve posted anything. Who wants to hear what I have to say? How long has it been since I really sat down with the intention to write?
My thoughts are those of doubt. Then, I let Him take over.
You say you want to share the good work that I am doing. Are you or aren’t you?
One of the hardest conversations I have ever had with William happened a few weeks after we were “officially” a couple. It’s not something I like to talk about. It’s not a pleasant subject. I knew that I had to tell him before things got too serious. He had to know the burden I carried with me. He needed to be let in on the battle that I fought on a daily basis. He needed to know that the children we have one day might not be biologically our own.
Around the age of seventeen, I was told there was a possibility that I would never be able to have childr…

Destruction.

Self care.
If you have any kind of mood disorder, you’ve heard the phrase before. It’s a key component of living… 
It is how you “deal” with life.
What happens when you decide to throw all of your coping mechanism out the window? What happens when you don’t take the time to do the things you absolutely need to do to be a contributing member of society?
Life and living goes out the window.
The past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten a front row seat to the destruction I cause when I neglect myself.
Here’s what’s going on in my life in case you don’t know. I’m preparing for grad school. I’m moving. I’m getting married.
Just one of these things is stressful enough to send me into a tailspin. Just one of these things should cause me to increase the time I spend practicing self care.
Let me take a minute to note that this is not a “why me” or “feel sorry for me” post.  This is a “learn from me and my mistakes” post.
I have completely neglected doing everything I can to make sure that my mental health stays o…

Wordless Wednesdays: January.

A Proverbs 31 Wife - Week Two.

A Proverbs 31 Woman - Week One.

Growing up, I heard it constantly. To be a good woman of faith, you must exemplify the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman. We were given verses to memorize. We were told to think on them. How often were we actually told how to do it? How often were we given a way to act this out in the modern world? As my wedding day draws near, I find myself reflecting more and more upon what it means to be a good wife. I have done my typical scouring of Pinterest for articles and blog posts. Through all this searching, Proverbs 31 keeps echoing in my heart. As I reread the passage, I was a bit perplexed at some aspects. How often do we deal with flax or wool? What does a woman dealing with ships of merchants mean for a modern woman? Like He so often does, the Lord reminded me that I have access to the answers I seek. I just have to do the research. I decided to break up the passage and study each section. Here is the reading plan for the next seven weeks.
Proverbs 31:10-12Proverbs 31:13-16Proverbs 31:17-…