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I had a thought the other day that made me take a step back...

My blog is almost a year old.

This BLOWS my mind. I really didn't think that I would stick with something this long. 

Truthfully, the last few months have been a little shaky. My schedule got jammed full of all kinds of crazy things. Unfortunately, that led to a little infrequency in my posting. For that I have to apologize and say that I'm trying to make up for it now.

If you know me or you've read very many posts on this blog, you know I enjoy reflection. 

When I say enjoy, what I really mean is I LOVE it! 

To me, life is pointless if you don't take time to learn from the things you've gone through. It also helps to redirect you if you're off course. It helps guide you to what you believe you need to achieve. It reminds you of the battles you've fought and what to do if you face one again.

I have recently learned reflection is a key component of my personality types. INFJ's really, really dig reflection. We are actually the most reflective of all the personality types. 

(Another thing INFJ's enjoy is their personality type label and pushing people to find out theirs. If you are interested in finding out what personality type you are click here to take a quick test.)

What did I ponder during this specific reflection time? What is the greatest thing I've learned over the last year?

Being alone is relative.

Like the image above states, I have spent a great deal of my life feeling lonely. It was always a lot more comforting to escape into my own mind than dealing with the amount of energy it took to build relationships.

I have a tendency to build walls around myself. I've been hurt, but that's not really the reason why.

Honestly and maybe too bluntly, I don't have the strength or time to deal with meaningless relationships. Unless you are in it for the long-haul with me, I don't have time for you. 

I don't like being someone you hold on the back burner in case your plans fall through. 
I don't like just having acquaintances. 
I absolutely loathe small talk.

You are either in my life or you are not. There is no in-between.

This has lead to maybe a lack of relationships in my life. It has also lead to me feeling completely alone when there were tons of people around willing to be there and love me. 

I just had to let them.

Learning how to be loved has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is something that I will spend the rest of my life trying to do.

What was the defining moment for me?

Last June. 

I was coming up on 5 years clean. I was also dealing with a huge issue in my familial life. It was a really trying time. I remember sitting in my bed asking God why. 

Why did I have to do this all on my own? 
Why do I have to go through everything on my own?
Why don't I have anybody to hug me and kiss me on the forehead telling me everything is going to be ok?

When I calmed myself and listened to my Spirit, I heard, "You are not alone. Just because you don't think it looks like what you think it should, doesn't mean you are alone."

Beyond God, I have some amazing people in my life. I have people that have been through the ringer with me. They have spent countless moments on their knees praying for me and with me.

I have people that listen when I need to talk. I have people who put up with all my weird quirks. I have people who truly hold me accountable. I have people who tell me the truth when I need to hear it even when I don't want it.

I have an amazing, AMAZING support system that I take for granted far too often.

What I have learned the last year is the real meaning of 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does no boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, NIV)

If you feel completely lonely and out of places, more than likely you are not. Take the time to look around you and see everyone that is there. Reach out for help if you need it. Most people don't have the capacity to read your mind.

Also, take the time to thank those people that are in your life. Thank them specifically. They may be ready to give up. Let them know that you see what they are doing and you are appreciative of it.


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